The
Mall of America by
Mike Appelstein Dear Two Pico reader: Have you ever wanted to experience the real heart of the United States beyond the tourist attractions and monuments? If so, I would guide you toward Bloomington, MN, a suburb of Minneapolis. There stands the Mall of America. It is the largest shopping mail in the United States: four stories high, a few football fields wide, and several miles in diameter. It has its own amusement park, miniature golf course, wedding chapel, aquarium and Legoland. It has not one but several gift shops full of Mall of America souvenirs. People literally plan their vacations around this place -- you can walk into any travel agency and book a Mall of America package tour, complete with accommodations at one of several nearby hotels. For better or worse, the Mall of America is a symbol of mainstream American consumerism: half Disney World, half chain store. It was thus irresistible to my wife Callie and myself. We happened to be in Minnesota as Callie was attending a library convention, and we set aside a whole day to explore the place. Not that we're big fans of malls. but we couldn't resist this chance to see the biggest one in the country. If nothing else, we figured we could make smug jokes about it. Thus we boarded an express bus from the city center early in the morning. Half an hour later, we disembarked at the Mall of America's "transit station." We walked up a flight of stairs and through the glass doors. At first it looked pretty much like any other shopping center. Soon, though, we found ourselves face to face with sensory overload. In the middle of the mall, there was Camp Snoopy, the in-house amusement park. It was a lot bigger than I expected it to be. Ferris wheels turned and roller coasters swooped above the slowly assembling crowds.Huge Pepsi logos hung from the ceiling. All around Camp Snoopy was the mall itself, four floors of stores and restaurants. Everything in sight was designed to make us spend money, yet there was a strangely welcoming warmth in the air. I felt a little dizzy. We decided to tackle Camp Snoopy first, figuring it would be mobbed later. We hit the roller coaster, log flume, Ferris wheel and bumper cars all in less than an hour. Our heads spinning from the rides, we walked though the Legoland and took off to see the mall itself. Not only were there stores of every description, but many stores had two or even three locations scattered throughout the building. There were several theme restaurants and two sprawling food courts ("North" and "South"). I was surprised at how quick the walk was from floor to floor. This is no doubt thanks to a brilliantly simple floor plan: a series of squares, one on top of the other, with Camp Snoopy in the middle. When we got to the "Chapel of Love," Callie took my picture. The people behind the counter scowled at us, which confused me. Didn't they see what a ridiculous notion it was having a wedding chapel in the middle of a shopping mall? After a couple hours of hiking from floor to floor, we ate lunch at one of the food courts and decided to see a film at the multiplex. Notting Hill was the only one we could agree on. It was OK, nothing special. I spent most of the film appreciating the London scenery, especially the gorgeous scenes of Portobello Road. After that we had a couple more hours of walking around. We didn't buy much of anything, and began to feel rather tired arid headachy. (We never did find the miniature golf course, either, which saddened me.) At the end of the day, we returned to Camp Snoopy for one more roller coaster ride, had a funnel cake, and returned to the transit station for a bus back to the Minneapolis city center. According to its Web site, tourists account for about four out of every 10 Mall of America visitors. This made sense to me. As a place to shop, it's just too huge, too overwhelming, too freakish. It requires nothing less than total immersion. This is exactly what makes the place so fascinating to out-of-towners such as ourselves, but it must be annoying if all you need is a pair of socks. I don't think I'd recommend the Mall of America travel package, but it's worth a trip if you ever happen to be near Minneapolis... |